Refugees: A Handy Guide [a blog] #crisis #refugees #deyturkerjarbs

foreigner

There’s a lot of stuff on the news these days about some sort of Refugee Crisis thingy, and sometimes it’s hard to take in. Between watching your Sky Plussed episodes of Real Housewives, Celebrity Big Brother, and The Man with the Two Stone Testicles, there’s hardly time to absorb any of these so called facts about whatever’s happening Over There, and why we should actually care. Luckily, I’ve compiled this handy, bullet pointed checklist, so that you can get up to speed quickly, and get back to the important things in life.

  • Who are these people? Dunno, really. But they look brown. And some of them might be terrorists. Lots of them have beards. Some of them are children. And some of those children are dead. Which is tragic, really. Especially when we see photographs of them all drowned, and find out they have names and stuff.
  • Where have they come from? Syria? I think it’s Syria. One of those places from the Bible, anyway. I think it’s in Africa or somewhere like that. Or it mightn’t be. Like the way you’re never quite sure where Lanzarote is, but you know it’s far away, even in a plane. Or the Canaries. They’re not even in Spain.
  • Why do they want to come here? Well obviously they were happy in Syria, in their houses with electricity and food and big TVs and jobs and whatnot, but then they realised they’d much rather leave and risk death, imprisonment, internment, and homelessness, because the UK lifestyle is so amazing, and no one ever complains about living here.
  • Are they Muslims? Probably. They’re all Muslims over there, aren’t they? Except the ones with the red dots. They’re Native Americans, I think. That’s what you have to call them now, anyway. Political Correctness gone mad.
  • Will they build supermosques and try to ban Christmas, pork, and Baa Baa Black Sheep? Yes.
  • Why haven’t they stopped in any other Safe Countries on the way? I’m not sure, but I think it’s because France, Austria, Germany, Turkey, etc don’t have Gregg’s the Bakers.
  • But they can’t eat sausage rolls, can they? No, but you’re forgetting about the Steak Bake. You can get one of those and a coffee, two quid the lot, now. If you can get the girl behind to counter to understand you.
  • Is Britain big enough to take on all these new people? Well, Germany has taken in 20,000 of them over four weeks, and we might take in 20,000 over five years. But we’re full. So, no.
  • Will their kids be going to our schools? Only the ones who don’t drown on the way here. I saw a few pregnant women too, on the news. They’ll come over here, have the kid on British soil, with a British birth cert, British nationality, and a British passport, and expect it to be treated like all the kids who were really born here. They’re taking the piss.
  • Will my little boy grow up speaking Syrian now? He’ll have to, if he ever wants to get a job. My kid already speaks Polish, Urdu, Farsi, Chinese, and that deaf one with fingers. You can’t speak English in his school now, or they’ll expel you. And anyway, I don’t like it when I go in one of their corner shops and they’re talking in some funny language to each other. You’d think they’d have the decency to speak English, so I can hear what they’re up to.
  • Are any of them gays? Maybe.They cut off your head for being gay over there, so we should do the same when they come here. If you want to live in our country, you should live by our rules. We’ll probably just let them get married and adopt kids though. Soft touch Britain.
  • Would all these new people add to the economy, in the long run? Of course not. Every single one of them will be on benefits within a week, in a free house paid for by you and me, working on the side for less than minimum wage, paying no tax, as well as begging, robbing your house, and pickpocketing you on the street. The lazy cunts. Send ’em back before they get here, I say. If I want to see lazy foreigners doing fuck all for loads of money, I’ll go down West Ham on Saturday.
  • Are any of them paedos? Probably all of them. I saw a thing on Facebook that said Allah shagged a girl when she was nine. If it wasn’t okay for Rolf Harris, it shouldn’t be all right for him. One rule for them, one rule for the rest of us. At least God waited until Mary was 12 before he got her pregnant.
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