David Cameron has Probably Put His Cock in A Lot Worse [a blog] #piggate #paedogeddon #notcliffrichard

Pig

It’s a testament to the power and size of social media that, within a few hours, the whole ‘David Cameron fucked a dead pig in its mouth’ thing was already as old and trite as any of the scripted jokes on an episode of Mock the Week. Laugh it up, UK folks. He’s still your glorious leader for the next four years. And there’s nothing you can do about it. Fucking a dead pig in the mouth opens some serious doors. Tell your kids that today when they get home from school. I’m joking, obviously. Your kids don’t go to the sort of school that leads on to those sort of porcine necrophiliac fellatiopportunities. Your kids are already fucked.

But, but… Jeremy Corbyn! Yes, Jeremy Corbyn is amazing, isn’t he? He loves people, gays, blacks, Caitlin Jenner, peace, flowers, and muesli. And he hates corporations, homophobia, racists, Kanye West, war, weedkiller, and McDonald’s sausage and egg McMuffins. But old sexy Jezza, the sexy college professor type that you’d probably let finger you in a dusty research library – he wasn’t really elected leader by his own parliamentary party. He was elected by people on Facebook sharing a link and paying three quid. His parliamentary party hate him, because he’s as much a threat to them as he is to nuclear war, the Tory party, and #NationalSecurity. Tony Blair did a very good job in ridding Labour of any MPs who’d grown up with a coal fire, were members of a union, or had ever sat near a brown kid in class whose father didn’t happen to be the Namibian ambassador. Jeremy has less chance of leading the country than that other fella with the initials JC. You know the fella I’m talking about – man of the people, loved by the masses, crucified for our sins, used to present Top Gear.

The idea that this pigfucker story will be the end of Cameron is so far-fetched that no one is even suggesting it. The other day, Cameron insulted the whole of Yorkshire, and within an hour he’d fixed the whole thing by saying he’d asked Geoff Boycott and Dickie Bird was it okay, and it turns out it was fine. Back to your tasks, peasants! This is a country where people elected a man whose brain is 46% hair to be in charge of a city with 8.5 million people, and an economy bigger than Australia’s. We have long given up the silly idea that whomever is in charge makes any difference to how much we get shafted. The fact that they might have had to put their knob in some cold pork when they were at school is just another hilarious bonus. And, to be fair, it’s sort of coming out now that the politicians in the 70s and 80s were putting theirs in little boys’ arses while someone, who for legal reasons definitely wasn’t Sir Cliff Richard, watched the whole thing and wanked himself blind.

Literally every politician you grew up watching on TV as a kid was having sex with children and then murdering them. Aided and abetted by the team from Blue Peter, more than likely. Today’s politicians, with their funny Nick Park faces, their inability to eat a bacon sandwich properly, their indirect murder of the sick, the needy, the disabled, and millions of brown babies – those guys are like comic relief compared to Ted ‘I Buried the Bodies on Hampstead’ Heath, or Maggie ‘Jimmy, You Can Stay in Carol’s Room’ Thatcher. Well, at least that’s what they want us to think. Does Boris Johnson’s silly, bumbling persona hide a man who forces five years olds to fight rabid dogs in pits, before fucking both parties, killing them, and eating the corpses? Is David Cameron’s ham-faced sincerity a veil which masks his predilection for sodomising infants before sacrificing them on an altar to his ancient Owl Gods? Did Harriet Harman lobby on behalf of a group called the Paedophile Information Exchange, suggesting that child pornography should be legalised, and the age of consent be brought down to somewhere between six and ten? OH WAIT, THAT LAST ONE’S ACTUALLY TRUE.

So yeah, by all means have a giggle at the thought of your reptilian overlords having to shove their junk into the orifice of the next day’s ham roast so they could be initiated into a life which would hand them everything, at the expense of the weakest and poorest in society. It’ll keep your mind off the fact that, every other day, you’re the worthless piece of meat that’s being throatfucked.

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7 thoughts on “David Cameron has Probably Put His Cock in A Lot Worse [a blog] #piggate #paedogeddon #notcliffrichard

  1. Why why, I just randomly stumbled onto your blog after a good year. I’m using an old computer from back in the day and it must have been in one of my go to sites in 2013 (feel special)
    .
    I’m that hateful brunette bird that I’m sure you’d rather not have ever heard from again, But the combo of prescription meds, too much wine and some vintage site perusing persuaded me that you poor sucker would LOVE a good chat (absolutely don’t believe that for one minute, but I just hope that rainy shit hole you now live in treats you well and you’re happy and all that bollocks yeah.)

    (OH and it;s Polly btw. Remember, that stunningly attractive cunt with questionable health issues? Nope thought not).

      1. Well, sort of. I’ll leave you in peace, I was merely intrigued this still existed and that it was still a bit funny (78%, at a push).
        Also, Tramadol.
        Good luck!

  2. I don’t actually Hogan. If you’re ever bored I’m always whatsappable.

    And I prefer to consider myself a mild form of chlamydia. You never quite know if I am even there or what, or who!, I’m going to strike down next.
    It makes me feel truly powerful. Like an Avenger or suchlike

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