Let’s get one thing straight, Lefties. David Cameron loves the National Health Service. That time when his dead son was alive, boy did those nice NHS doctors and nurses give him the best of care. The best! I mean, he’s dead now, and Dave doesn’t really like to bring him up to make political points, but the fact remains. He went to a hospital some times, and the service he received was nothing short of exemplary. I mean yeah, his father was a multi-millionaire of aristocratic stock, and didn’t really need to clog up the free facilities meant for the rest of us, but; somewhere in the back of his sad, fatherly mind, Dave probably thought ‘This will come in handy for a speech someday’. And it’s not like his poor, Down’s Syndrome child was going to receive preferential treatment just because of his father’s connections. To nurses and doctors in British hospitals, all parents look the same. Well, the white ones do, anyway. That’s just science.
Whenever a Tory talks about the National Health Service, it’s usually praising it, and at the same time implying that it ‘needs fixing’. And the right-wing newspapers do love a story about how someone died on a trolley after an 18 hour wait in the corridor of A&E, don’t they? If not that, it’ll be one about how some apparent slapper is getting massive new tits on the taxpayer’s tab, probably because she’s got bi-polar, from not having massive tits. On a particularly good news day, you might even get one about some deluded chap who’s getting his cock lopped off, free gratis, and making everyone at the school where he teaches call him ‘Susan’. It’s plitcal crectnuss gawn mad!
But, of course, without any need for statistics to back it up, we all know that the biggest scourge on the NHS is from terrifying foreigners from impoverished countries, who despite being too poor to eat or have a roof, manage to fly over here, get themselves a house, and pop straight down the local GP for some AIDS Tablets. Probably leaving HIV in every puddle they splash through on the walk down. I’m joking, obviously. They usually get a taxi, which they pay for with government taxi vouchers, handed to them when they get off the plane. It’s definitely these disease-ridden wogs who are causing the long queues and busy phone lines at your local GP’s office. It’s not a bunch of English people looking for a sickie note cos they were out on the Stella all weekend. Or 43 different new mums who think that their baby is the centre of the fucking universe, and don’t understand how Calpol works.
So, despite anything you’ve actually experienced personally, or all the great stories you might have of wonderful care, free treatment, friendly, amazing staff; the NHS is fucked. Cos the Tories and The Sun told you it is. And the only thing that can fix it, are Healthcare Reforms. Which sound good, really. If healthcare is banjaxed, we should definitely reform it. Too long, we’ve had the deplorable leftist view that we should look after society’s most vulnerable, and that it’s collateral damage if a tiny percentage of folk game the system for their own selfish advantage. That simply won’t do. That was how Labour used to run social welfare and the Tax Credits system, and look what happened there: A bunch of working parents able to put their children in day care while they earned an honest crust. The destitute and disabled having roofs over their heads and food in their bellies. And a really tiny percentage of ABSOLUTE PISS TAKING FUCKERS claiming money without any intention of actually seeking work. That’s why the Tories had to come in and put a stop to all that nonsense, natch.
The way to reform healthcare in the UK is simple, really. No, the Conservative Party will not privatise it. No, they will not make cuts. Unless they have to, obviously, but that’ll only be because they’re not privatising it. Which they’re not. No, the way to fix the NHS is to realise that it’s not a charity, or a food bank for medicines. It’s a business, and obviously it’s a really poorly run business, thanks to the vile, charitable, bleeding heart legacy left by the Labour Party. So, the best way to make a business like the NHS work, is to bring in successful business people, with proven track records. Obviously they’re not going to be people with a background in healthcare, but that’s fine. They don’t really need one. Richard Branson doesn’t even know his own WiFi password. He doesn’t need to, he’s the boss.
And yes, some money may change hands. And yeah, some NHS Trusts may essentially become Limited Companies with bonuses and whatnot. And okay, the NHS will eventually be streamlined to the point where the bottom line profit is more important than little yellow-faced Johnny getting a new liver. But it won’t be privitisation. And, even if it is, it’s not David Cameron’s fault. He loves the NHS. They were really good to his dead handicapped son. Of course, they couldn’t save him. Which is probably why they have to pay now. And, eventually, why you’ll have to pay too.