It’s been a shitty week for humans, and a good one too. White People in America are trying to blow each other to Kingdom Come, possibly to prove some point about their machine guns being taken away. I think the logic behind it is something like ‘GUNS DON’T KILL PEOPLE, BOMBS KILL PEOPLE’. Which is retarded, and what they’re failing to see is that, atrocious as the Boston massacre was, someone with an assault rifle would probably have killed even more people. And you can’t buy IEDs in K-Mart. Yet. However, in the midst of it all, there was footage and stories of brave people being incredibly brave and selfless. So it’s even stevens on the People Are Brilliant: People Are Twats thing.
Speaking of it being a shitty week for humanity, Piers Morgan is still alive; ergo, voodoo officially doesn’t work. At least not in my house.
I was watching Django Unchained today in the library, sitting next to a black man. It’s a good film, but they do say the n-word at least four thousand times. Which is fine when I’m just watching it on my own at home, because I’m white. White people can hear that world all day, every day, as long as it’s in context, and part of a serious historical piece like Django Unchained. Today though, I felt quite uncomfortable. I didn’t even have the sound on; I was wearing earphones. But I turned the screen away from him regardless, just in case he was deaf, and could lip read. That’s how much of a Liberal I am. Other people really need to watch me and learn.
In news closer to home, while walking to school today, my daughter and I saw a dead fox. She was quite traumatised by the experience; and, although it was with the best of intentions, my picking the corpse up and making it dance like an improvised marionette, while screaming ‘Look at me! Look at me! I’m the Fantastic Mr Fox! Just like out of the books and (to a less extent) the film!’ probably didn’t help matters. If anything, it exacerbated things.
Finally, some bright spark (a man, natch) has come up with the idea of a dating website exclusively for men with penises seven inches in length (or over). It’s called ‘7orbetter.com’, I think (I never do the research).Pushing to one side the issue of this just being another way (along with pornography) of making teenage boys feel terrible about themselves and want to die, the logistics of the thing clearly haven’t been worked out. Whose word are we taking here? The men’s? Because what you’ve got right there is a website exclusively for men with penises five and a half inches in length (at a push). It’s nothing new as concepts go, obviously. There are dating sites for women who like tall guys, older guys, rich guys, etc. Lots of different things make up your perfect match, and it’s your prerogative to decide which one is the most important.
No, my problem is with the issue of equality. What if we fellas wanted to meet women with incredibly large vaginas, eh? What dating site would we go to?
Oh, that’s right: 7orbetter.com